On a positive note...

Sometimes it's hard to see the positive aspects of life, but I'm trying.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

It's done!

One of the things I learned long ago, in my many years of therapy, is that depression is usually anger turned inwards. I spent most of the day yesterday under the covers trying to figure out why I had gone into such a deep depression over the last few weeks. The conclusion was that I was very, very angry. Several things had been bugging me over the last few months and in my effort to be the mom and nuturing caretaker of those around me, I had forgotten the number one person I needed to nurture, myself.

Once I recognized why I was angry and at whom, I set about the course of letting those that had hurt me know why I was angry. Not that I expected anything to come from it, but it's always best to let others know why your acting like you are.

My darling son, who received a butt load of my anger last night, was actually relieved. He said he knew something was wrong and thought it might be his fault somehow. I let him know I wasn't placing blame or fault on anyone. I was fully capable of chosing to be upset with something or not but that I thought it was best if he knew what he had been doing that was bugging me and if he felt like it he could correct the situation or not. At least I'd know where I stood and could move forward from there.

He's not the only one who has received a message from me either. This has been building for sometime and all the little things started feeling overwhelming. I've been noticing that I've had a much harder time being positive about anything lately. But enough is enough. It serves no purpose to sit around crying about what has happened in the past. What I can do is express my feelings and move on. So it's done.

Will I lose friends or family? I doubt seriously if I'll lose family and if I lose friends then they weren't really friends to begin with. If that happens, then I'll just have to accept that I'm not very good at picking my friends and try to do better the next time. In either case I feel so much better then I have been lately and that's a very good thing.

2 Comments:

  • At 1:14 PM, Blogger Xxaatm said…

    I'm jumping up and down, whilst turning in circles, clapping and yelling...all at THE SAME TIME!
    *hugshugshugshugs*
    woot!!!!
    rockstar!

     
  • At 12:24 AM, Anonymous Amy said…

    *hugs* love you, mom

     

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