On a positive note...

Sometimes it's hard to see the positive aspects of life, but I'm trying.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I'm still here.

Welcome to my boring life. Yeah, that's what I said...boring. Actually I'm kind of enjoying boring. The last couple of weeks have been a series of really awful headaches coupled with nausea so I'm enjoying the respite over the last two days of having no pain without taking pain killers.

A friend of mine, Bonnie Gillespie, has a gluten allergy that gave her really bad migrains so I took a que from her and have laid off gluten filled products just in case and also cut sugar out since I'm type 2 diabetic. The headaches seem to be gone and I'm feeling more energy. I'm thinking it has more to do with the sugar in my diet then the gluten. Gluten filled products, like bread and pasta, also turn into sugar in your system so it won't hurt to cut some of those out anyway.

I did manage to go out last night with my DH and son. David works part-time at a theatre so he treated his dad and I to "Snakes on a Plane" and "Talladega Nights". Perks of a guy that works at a theatre, free movie tickets. I have to say the "Snakes on a Plane" movie wasn't my favorite of the two, but then the two major phobias I have are fear of heights and snakes. Put the snakes on a plane and I get to enjoy both together.

I literally thought my heart was going to burst forth from my chest a couple of times during that movie even though my logical mind kept saying it's only a movie and bad CGI effects at that. Still, phobias are hard to fight. Thank goodness we decided to see Talladega Nights last. I was able to laugh a little and calm down before going home. It's fairly funny in a slap stick sort of way and it didn't frighten the bejeezus out of me. Well, maybe Will Farrell running around in his tighty whities was a little scary. Hee-hee.

Why did I go see a movie about something that I knew I had a deep fear of? Well people are afraid of sharks too and "Jaws" did quite well didn't it? Ofcourse no one could get me into even a clear swimming pool for about two years after that one. LOL! Oh, did I mention I'm also claustrophobic. Yeah, I didn't like flying too much BEFORE the snakes. I can assure you the next time I HAVE to fly I'm going to be knocked out on some heavy duty drug of some sort. Ofcourse they'll have to drag me onto the plane first.

Thursday, August 10, 2006


I'm up for the night. I've been sleeping very sporadically for the last two days due to the headache from hell. Nothing I took seemed to help much for very long, but when it did I slept. Now the headache is gone and I can't seem to sleep. I'm about ready to go make a good stiff drink to see if that would help but it's may be too early to start drinking. If it's after midnight does the no drinking before noon rule kick in or as long as it's not daylight yet can one drink in good conscience? Oh hell, who cares? I need to sleep.

Money, money, money...

My DH has been working for over a year on this particular contract and I must say we've enjoyed the money he's been earning. So when they informed him a week and a half ago that their budget for the rest of the year was going to be cut and his contract terminated in two weeks, we were just a little sad. Not that he would be out of work completely. His company has other contracts where he could work, but none quite as lucrative as this one.

Fortunately my DH is a good worker and is very skilled in his field. The supervisors running the job like his work so they got together with the higher ups and pushed for additional budget to keep him on. It worked! He was told today that they would be keeping him through the end of the year. Yea! Time to celebrate!

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Good news.

Since it seems lately that all we hear in the mainstream media is about war, poor economy, or bad behavior on the part of celebrities, I began a search for more positive news. I found a great site where I go to get a bit of inspiration everyday. It's called the Good News Network. How wonderful it is to know that there is still much good in our world. It gives one hope for the future.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

World Peace Day

My greatest wish, hope, desire is that people are listening and will make it a world of peace all year long someday.

Friday, August 04, 2006

On this day in history.

It is traditionally accepted that on this date in 1693, Dom Perignon invented Champagne. A toast to you Dom and thank you for making life just a bit more fun and ticklish.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Dealing with a mental case.

Recently my family has been having to deal with someone who thinks she needs "leverage", AKA blackmail, in order to have control over our lives. Pretty sick person if you ask me, but then I don't allow her to gain control and therefore she is really doing some bizarre things out of her frustration with my staunch resistance to her manipulations to gain "leverage".

I feel very sorry for her. She once told me her father molested her and beat her as well. Knowing her as I've come to know her over time I somehow doubt that any of that is true. Something is definately wrong with this girl's thinking IMO. We took her in, concerned with her wellbeing, and she turned around and tried to hurt our family in almost unbelievable ways.

I have learned how to spot her type so the next time I won't be quite as accepting of certain behavior early on, however; her sickness isn't going to change my nature, which is to reach out to those who need help. In the meantime my family regroups. Thank the powers that be in the universe we are a strong, loving family and she didn't change that. We know we can trust one another completely and that's what kept us from falling apart when this girl was trying so hard to divide us.

The sad part for her is that she could have become a part this loving family if she hadn't tried to gain control of all of our lives and have everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, her way. I somehow think that's why her parents didn't want her back in their lives at first. Yep, at first they refused until they saw she had no where else to go and then allowed her back for just a few weeks, offering to pay part of her rent if she'd just leave quickly.

Gotta wonder when your own parents don't want you in their home just exactly what's up with that? Perhaps it's the fact that she uses "leverage" in her attempt to control others. It's really awful when someone does that to you. You begin to feel as if you're being held hostage in your own home. It can also build up a huge amount of anger and frustration that might not have ever been if she hadn't attempted to control everything and change everyone to suit her needs. I gotta say if you need to change someone that completely then that someone isn't the right person for you and it's best just to move on.

Getting her to move on has been the hard part. She's very clingy and needy. I even found her free counseling because she is in such desperate need but she's even attempting to use that to gain control. She claims her counselor has told her to use "leverage" to get what she needs. Uh-huh, I know a couple of therapist and that's not what they tell me therapists do. Therapists are supposed to be supportive but at the same time not encourage wrong behavior. Instead they are supposed to help you learn new, more positive behavior.

I'm learning just how strong I truly am and there is no one that's going to destroy my family no matter how sick they are and how hard they try. They'd have to get past me first and that's not going to happen as long as I'm breathing. Yes, I know, be careful. I wouldn't put it past her to try and do me or my son or husband harm. That's how sick and obsessed I think she is. Anyhow, we'll get through this mess as a family and use this as a lesson learned.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Missing my mom.

My mom died January 31, 2003. I've never really mourned her death or even acknowledged how painful it was to me. I've always been the strong one of the siblings, the first born, older and wiser so I've been told. It's true my mom relied on me a lot to help her run the household when my dad deserted us when I was 13. Since she had to work to support us, she gave me much responsibility for my sister and brother, but it wasn't too much for me to handle. I was always a kind of sober, thoughtful child so adult responsibility wasn't a problem for me.

When my mom died it happened so quickly I wasn't able to be there to say goodbye. I was living in Los Angeles at the time and couldn't make it back home to New Orleans in time to tell her how much I loved her and thank her for doing the best she could one last time. I look back now and see how I closed off my feelings regarding her loss. I was so busy trying to homeschool my son to a high school diploma and managing to regroup after the huge financial blow of my husband being downsized from a job he had held for 25 years that I forgot to take care of my own personal feelings. I was too busy making sure everyone else's needs were being met and that they were all as happy as possible that I pushed back just how unhappy I was at the time.

As a result of my son going through a lot of different problems over the last couple of years, I was able to keep the lid on my feelings for over three years. Now that the financial problems and the problems my son was having are being resolved, I have more time for myself. The funny thing is instead of feeling happy and content that the problems I've been having are becoming less and less, I've been feeling very blue and sad. I had no idea why I was feeling the way I do until I was talking to someone and said how much I missed my mom. You see when I resolved a problem well, and I've been resolving a lot of problems very well lately, she had always been there to tell me how proud of me she was and I miss hearing her say that to me.

When I acknowledged that, the flood gates opened. I cried for almost an hour. I still cry a bit everyday. Mourning is a process and it takes time. I do know my mom is in heaven and looking down on me very proudly. I know she loved me as much as I love her. Each day I think of all the good times we had and each day I heal just a little more. She left me a lot, strength, a good heart and mind, a caring nature and the ability to love even in the hard times. She gave me so much while she was here and now I'm going to try and pass it on to my son. Maybe one day he will say thank you to me in a quiet prayer just as I do to my mom now.

Thank you mom. I love you so much.