On a positive note...

It's hard to believe 21 years have gone by so quickly.

2007-01-28T10:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON!
More pics to come.

I'm still here.

2006-08-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my boring life. Yeah, that's what I said...boring. Actually I'm kind of enjoying boring. The last couple of weeks have been a series of really awful headaches coupled with nausea so I'm enjoying the respite over the last two days of having no pain without taking pain killers.

A friend of mine, Bonnie Gillespie, has a gluten allergy that gave her really bad migrains so I took a que from her and have laid off gluten filled products just in case and also cut sugar out since I'm type 2 diabetic. The headaches seem to be gone and I'm feeling more energy. I'm thinking it has more to do with the sugar in my diet then the gluten. Gluten filled products, like bread and pasta, also turn into sugar in your system so it won't hurt to cut some of those out anyway.

I did manage to go out last night with my DH and son. David works part-time at a theatre so he treated his dad and I to "Snakes on a Plane" and "Talladega Nights". Perks of a guy that works at a theatre, free movie tickets. I have to say the "Snakes on a Plane" movie wasn't my favorite of the two, but then the two major phobias I have are fear of heights and snakes. Put the snakes on a plane and I get to enjoy both together.

I literally thought my heart was going to burst forth from my chest a couple of times during that movie even though my logical mind kept saying it's only a movie and bad CGI effects at that. Still, phobias are hard to fight. Thank goodness we decided to see Talladega Nights last. I was able to laugh a little and calm down before going home. It's fairly funny in a slap stick sort of way and it didn't frighten the bejeezus out of me. Well, maybe Will Farrell running around in his tighty whities was a little scary. Hee-hee.

Why did I go see a movie about something that I knew I had a deep fear of? Well people are afraid of sharks too and "Jaws" did quite well didn't it? Ofcourse no one could get me into even a clear swimming pool for about two years after that one. LOL! Oh, did I mention I'm also claustrophobic. Yeah, I didn't like flying too much BEFORE the snakes. I can assure you the next time I HAVE to fly I'm going to be knocked out on some heavy duty drug of some sort. Ofcourse they'll have to drag me onto the plane first.

Sleepless

2006-08-10T04:36:00.000-07:00

I'm up for the night. I've been sleeping very sporadically for the last two days due to the headache from hell. Nothing I took seemed to help much for very long, but when it did I slept. Now the headache is gone and I can't seem to sleep. I'm about ready to go make a good stiff drink to see if that would help but it's may be too early to start drinking. If it's after midnight does the no drinking before noon rule kick in or as long as it's not daylight yet can one drink in good conscience? Oh hell, who cares? I need to sleep.

Money, money, money...

2006-08-10T02:53:00.000-07:00

My DH has been working for over a year on this particular contract and I must say we've enjoyed the money he's been earning. So when they informed him a week and a half ago that their budget for the rest of the year was going to be cut and his contract terminated in two weeks, we were just a little sad. Not that he would be out of work completely. His company has other contracts where he could work, but none quite as lucrative as this one.

Fortunately my DH is a good worker and is very skilled in his field. The supervisors running the job like his work so they got together with the higher ups and pushed for additional budget to keep him on. It worked! He was told today that they would be keeping him through the end of the year. Yea! Time to celebrate!

Good news.

2006-08-06T08:56:00.000-07:00

Since it seems lately that all we hear in the mainstream media is about war, poor economy, or bad behavior on the part of celebrities, I began a search for more positive news. I found a great site where I go to get a bit of inspiration everyday. It's called the Good News Network. How wonderful it is to know that there is still much good in our world. It gives one hope for the future.

World Peace Day

2006-08-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

My greatest wish, hope, desire is that people are listening and will make it a world of peace all year long someday.

On this day in history.

2006-08-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

It is traditionally accepted that on this date in 1693, Dom Perignon invented Champagne. A toast to you Dom and thank you for making life just a bit more fun and ticklish.

Dealing with a mental case.

2006-08-02T13:10:00.000-07:00

Recently my family has been having to deal with someone who thinks she needs "leverage", AKA blackmail, in order to have control over our lives. Pretty sick person if you ask me, but then I don't allow her to gain control and therefore she is really doing some bizarre things out of her frustration with my staunch resistance to her manipulations to gain "leverage".

I feel very sorry for her. She once told me her father molested her and beat her as well. Knowing her as I've come to know her over time I somehow doubt that any of that is true. Something is definately wrong with this girl's thinking IMO. We took her in, concerned with her wellbeing, and she turned around and tried to hurt our family in almost unbelievable ways.

I have learned how to spot her type so the next time I won't be quite as accepting of certain behavior early on, however; her sickness isn't going to change my nature, which is to reach out to those who need help. In the meantime my family regroups. Thank the powers that be in the universe we are a strong, loving family and she didn't change that. We know we can trust one another completely and that's what kept us from falling apart when this girl was trying so hard to divide us.

The sad part for her is that she could have become a part this loving family if she hadn't tried to gain control of all of our lives and have everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING, her way. I somehow think that's why her parents didn't want her back in their lives at first. Yep, at first they refused until they saw she had no where else to go and then allowed her back for just a few weeks, offering to pay part of her rent if she'd just leave quickly.

Gotta wonder when your own parents don't want you in their home just exactly what's up with that? Perhaps it's the fact that she uses "leverage" in her attempt to control others. It's really awful when someone does that to you. You begin to feel as if you're being held hostage in your own home. It can also build up a huge amount of anger and frustration that might not have ever been if she hadn't attempted to control everything and change everyone to suit her needs. I gotta say if you need to change someone that completely then that someone isn't the right person for you and it's best just to move on.

Getting her to move on has been the hard part. She's very clingy and needy. I even found her free counseling because she is in such desperate need but she's even attempting to use that to gain control. She claims her counselor has told her to use "leverage" to get what she needs. Uh-huh, I know a couple of therapist and that's not what they tell me therapists do. Therapists are supposed to be supportive but at the same time not encourage wrong behavior. Instead they are supposed to help you learn new, more positive behavior.

I'm learning just how strong I truly am and there is no one that's going to destroy my family no matter how sick they are and how hard they try. They'd have to get past me first and that's not going to happen as long as I'm breathing. Yes, I know, be careful. I wouldn't put it past her to try and do me or my son or husband harm. That's how sick and obsessed I think she is. Anyhow, we'll get through this mess as a family and use this as a lesson learned.

Missing my mom.

2006-08-01T08:22:00.000-07:00

My mom died January 31, 2003. I've never really mourned her death or even acknowledged how painful it was to me. I've always been the strong one of the siblings, the first born, older and wiser so I've been told. It's true my mom relied on me a lot to help her run the household when my dad deserted us when I was 13. Since she had to work to support us, she gave me much responsibility for my sister and brother, but it wasn't too much for me to handle. I was always a kind of sober, thoughtful child so adult responsibility wasn't a problem for me.

When my mom died it happened so quickly I wasn't able to be there to say goodbye. I was living in Los Angeles at the time and couldn't make it back home to New Orleans in time to tell her how much I loved her and thank her for doing the best she could one last time. I look back now and see how I closed off my feelings regarding her loss. I was so busy trying to homeschool my son to a high school diploma and managing to regroup after the huge financial blow of my husband being downsized from a job he had held for 25 years that I forgot to take care of my own personal feelings. I was too busy making sure everyone else's needs were being met and that they were all as happy as possible that I pushed back just how unhappy I was at the time.

As a result of my son going through a lot of different problems over the last couple of years, I was able to keep the lid on my feelings for over three years. Now that the financial problems and the problems my son was having are being resolved, I have more time for myself. The funny thing is instead of feeling happy and content that the problems I've been having are becoming less and less, I've been feeling very blue and sad. I had no idea why I was feeling the way I do until I was talking to someone and said how much I missed my mom. You see when I resolved a problem well, and I've been resolving a lot of problems very well lately, she had always been there to tell me how proud of me she was and I miss hearing her say that to me.

When I acknowledged that, the flood gates opened. I cried for almost an hour. I still cry a bit everyday. Mourning is a process and it takes time. I do know my mom is in heaven and looking down on me very proudly. I know she loved me as much as I love her. Each day I think of all the good times we had and each day I heal just a little more. She left me a lot, strength, a good heart and mind, a caring nature and the ability to love even in the hard times. She gave me so much while she was here and now I'm going to try and pass it on to my son. Maybe one day he will say thank you to me in a quiet prayer just as I do to my mom now.

Thank you mom. I love you so much.

Good can come from bad.

2006-07-27T23:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just have to have faith that things will get better and life will be good once more. My son has been struggling with health issues that have been effecting him emotionally in a very negative manner for about the last 5-6 months. We finally found a doctor who knew what the heck she was doing and knew exactly the treatment he needed to get his life back on track. Ofcourse this doctor isn't in network on our insurance so we have to pay completely out of pocket for her help but the old adage of, "You get what you pay for", certainly applies here. Right now I'm feeling very greatful and blessed that my DH and I have been able to help our son out at this time.

The changes in my sons attitude and thinking have been dramatic over the last two weeks. Instead of feeling depressed and hopeless he now feels that he has a future and a bright and great one at that. He has a postive energy about him that I haven't seen in a very long while.

Wonderful, little positive, fun, and happy things have been happening to him just to prove he's heading in the right direction. Yesterday, for example, we went into town to see his doctor. Near her office is a Jay and Silent Bob Secret Stash store. My son dearly loves Kevin Smith's films and thinks these characters rock. As we walk into the store after his doctors appointment, the clerk at the desk notices David is wearing a Mooby's shirt and tells him, "Hey, Mooby's kid go to the back of the store."

I look around the left side of the shelf unit as David walks down the right side and see Kevin Smith, AKA Silent Bob, sitting at a table signing one Clerk's II poster after another. I knew my son was going to think he died and went to heaven when he got back there. He actually handled himself very well and got to have a nice conversation with one of he film heroes. He was going to buy one of the signed posters when Kevin offered to personalize one for him to which he pinned, "David, I fucking love you so much." and signed the poster. I now have a framed poster prominently displayed in my home with the word fucking on it. I guess my home is no longer G or even PG rated. He also signed David's copy of Chasing Amy that David had gone in the store to buy in the first place with a little arrow pointing to the actress' picture on the DVD saying David had had her.

It was all such fun for my son. The most important part was after talking about making films and finding out that David plans on going to film school shortly, Kevin Smith got up, shook his hand, and wished him good luck. Now my son says he will absolutely succeed because one of his idols in filmmaking wished him luck. I pray he's right. Anyway it was such a wonderful thing to see the joy my son got from this chance encounter. He hasn't been that truly joyful in awhile.

Then to top off the evening David got invited to a special concert with My Chemical Romance. A friend of his had VIP passes and asked David if he wanted to come along. His friend also asked Hillary Duff and she showed up too. She remembered David from the days when we all lived at the Oakwood Apartments just before she hit it big with Lizzie Mcguire. It seems they had a little thing for one another for a few weeks and it made him feel pretty good that she even remembered him. I guess he really is a good kisser. All in all a very good day.

Happy Birthday America

2006-07-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Today is the 230th birthday of our great nation. I know there are those who would question why I say great. I say that because we, as a nation, as a people, have accomplished so much good in this world. Certainly there are things we've done that I'm not proud of but the overall good that has been done by this country far outweighs the bad. We are a good people in general. We have the ability to see our mistakes and right the wrongs. Yes, we're flawed and perhaps not the country our forefathers and mothers envisioned but we still have such great potential.

Great food, spectacular fireworks, and awesome friends.

2006-07-02T13:42:00.000-07:00

What more can one ask for out of life? Great day yesterday visiting with old friends, making new ones, eating good food, watching fireworks. Sigh, life is so good.

Sometimes you have to make a choice.

2006-07-01T09:10:00.000-07:00

We all know life is full of endless possibilities. With all the possibilities we have we sometimes have to make a choice. I'm not necessarily a person who likes to chose sides when two friends are having a fight. Most times I'll even risk the wrath of one or the other or even both to try and get them to understand the others POV and patch the friendship back together. Unfortunately that's not always possible. Especially when one of the friends feels she has the right to air what, for all intents and purposes, is dirty laundry on a public forum that mutual friends, as well as others, read.

The public just doesn't have the right to know every little, dirty detail of our lives no matter how much they encourage us. One of the things I expect of a true friend is that my personal life will be kept off of a PUBLIC forum. I've just learned that one of my friends isn't capable of doing that if she gets mad at you. She has proven to me, by her attack of another friend, that she can't be trusted should the friendship run into trouble. She has chosen to take the low road and lash out publically at the other friend in a vicious and callous manner that I find completely reprehensible. Even IF the entire story were true in ALL aspects, which it's not, the fact that she made it PUBLIC crossed the line of friendship.

Friendship is based, in part, upon trust. If I chose to have you be a part of my life as a friend I expect you to maintain my confidence even if we should part company as friends someday. I would never post every detail of our friendship, good or bad, on a PUBLIC forum. The fact that this person has done so tells me she isn't to be trusted...ever...and was never a true friend to anyone but only a friend as long as it served her purposes. For me, that's a very hurtful thing to realize.

As for me, I've made my choice and it's to remove myself from this very toxic persons life. I don't expect her to care as it's obvious to me she cares little for others and only for herself, but I hope she begins to understand someday, soon, that she will be very alone in this world should she continue down the path she has taken here. The only people she will have left in her life are the voyuers who read her blog daily, cheering her on, watching for the next train wreck to happen. It's very sad, but she is her own worst enemy. I sincerely hope this person grows up oneday.

Life is good and getting better.

2006-06-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

David has really been struggling this year as an actor. Before this week he had only gone on 10 auditions for the year. I think it had something to do with his old agent at the agency he is with. Anyhow, that agent left to open his own management company. I wish him luck and thank him for leaving.

David met with the new agent for the youth division two weeks ago and this week she sent him on four, yes count them, four auditions in three days. One episodic, a commercial, and two film auditions. Just got word he booked the episodic with no callback. Woohoo! You rock son and so do you Darci! :)

Trump this!

2006-06-12T19:31:00.000-07:00

One of the message boards I participate in is Professional Actors Resource Forum (PARF). While discussing The Apprentice one of our members, Jen, suggested that they should bring the show to New Orleans and let the contestants perform projects that would help with the rebuilding of that great city.

As a native New Oleanian, I'm very much in favor of anything that might help my hometown become the great city it once was. Wouldn't it be a wonderful way for these young executives to showcase their skills in a city that has to rebuild it's infrastructure. They wouldn't have everything they need to perform their tasks readily available like they have in New York and Los Angeles. Seriously, what kind of challenge is that compared to the one they'd have in New Orleans? It would take some very innovative, talented people to complete the jobs they were given.

Donald Trump would be doing something noble spending an entire season helping a great city rebuild. And in return he'd probably end up with the best Apprentice yet. You'd think something like that would be right up this real estate moguls alley. I'm inviting anyone who reads this to join me in signing this petition and Blogging for New Orleans.

What a great idea!

2006-06-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have one of those moments in life when the light bulb finally turns on in your head? Mine happened yesterday and boy was it mega watt bright. I have a purpose and goal that even I thought unattainable before yesterday. Now it seems so easy that I wonder why it has taken me so long to get there. I'm covered in goose bumps I'm so excited about my future. It's so me. I've found my calling and I know I'll be happy for the rest of my life doing something exciting, wonderful and fulfilling. The best part is, I know I'll be kick ass good at it.

A Mother's Day thought.

2006-05-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

As I sit here listening to the sounds and sensing the smells of my Mother's Day breakfast being prepared by my darlings, I can't help but think of my mom and how much I miss her. I'd give almost anything to be able to prepare her breakfast for her one more time. She wasn't a perfect mom, but I know she did love me. I think she was proud of me and happy that I became a mom myself.

Being a mom has had it's high and low points. Somehow all the low points simply don't matter in the long haul. It's the high points and the just plain everyday times that one carries in their heart. David is my greatest gift from the universe. A treasure that I will cherish for as long as I live. I'm so thankful and blessed to be his Mom. Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends who are moms. May your bacon be crispy, your eggs perfect, and your toast unburnt today and always. :)

Woohoo! It worked!

2006-05-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you all who participated in the little test to see if my son's IMDb ranking would be effected by your clicking on the link to his listing. His ranking went from around 122K to right at 42K. WOW! That's a big difference and a great Mother's Day present to boot! You guys are awesome for helping. Again, my thanks.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1286171/

Stockmarket 101 or why morons shouldn't invest.

2006-05-13T08:17:00.004-07:00

I frankly didn't give a rat's ass about GEPT and didn't even know it existed before yesterday. Now that I've read the SEC filings I think anyone that invests in that POS is nuts. Obviously, by some of the messages I've gotten from one of their so called investors, that seems to be the case. I'm so waiting for this guy to make good on his threat to haul me into court because I have friends who don't like his stock. What a complete moron!

Not only is this guy touting a POS stock but he has no understanding of what is legal and not legal regarding shorts in a stock. As long as the short admits they are short and why they don't believe in a stock, that's legal. Just as legal as saying you're long and why you DO believe in a stock. It's simply two opposing thoughts on a matter. As far as those who haven't invested in the stock but know that some of the folks running the company are less then upright in the manner in which they run a business...well...they have the right and, IMO, the responsibility to tell what they know. It's up to the investor or potential investor to take all of the info provided into consideration. IOW it's the old buyer beware law in action here. Nothing more.

I've read several hundred posts on the Yahoo GEPT board and have seen nothing illegal regarding those who don't support the stock. The only legal issues I see are coming from one supporter of this stock. He is posting that I and others have made comments we didn't about our friend. If I were a shareholder or, better yet, the people running this company I'd shut this guy, buying_gept, down. He's far more harmful to this stocks price then anyone who isn't supporting it. IMO, he's just plain nuts. Smart, savvy investors know to run when they see his kind show up on a stock board. He is the worst kind of supporter and a sure sign a company is going down.

For the record let me state that I own no GEPT either long or short. Never have, never will. As I wrote earlier I didn't even know it existed before yesterday. Now that someone gave me the link and I've read the SEC filings I would suggest a very strong sell and run like hell to the nearest exit with whatever dollars you have left.

Ya' gotta have friends.

2006-05-13T07:40:00.000-07:00

I'm very fortunate that I have the friends I do. They are all unique and interesting people. They don't all like one another all of the time, but I like them all MOST of the time. I, ofcourse, love sharing their joys and actually I don't mind sharing their sorrows either because they are my friends and I love them all. Friends help one another and they've certainly been there for me when I've needed them. Actually my friends are more like a huge extended family to me, even down to the family squabbles. LOL!

Bottom line is, my friends are very important to me and cherished. When some creep thinks he can do damage to my friendships for monetary gain then he is taking a huge chance on waking a sleeping giant. Threatening me in anyway due to my friends won't make me become less of a friend. In fact, it has the opposite effect.

Let's see if this really works.

2006-05-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

So they say if you get a lot of hits to your IMDb listing your ranking will go up. IOW the numbers will go lower. Unfortunately my sons ranking numbers over the last few weeks have been getting higher not lower. So I'd like to test this by asking those who read my blog to click on my sons link below to the IMDb. Let's see if there is any truth to their claim. Oh and if you have the time or the inclination to leave a message on his message board saying what a wonderful actor he is that's supposed to help too. :) Thank you all for your help.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1286171/

They say you can't fight City Hall.

2006-04-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

Wanna bet? Just watch me.

I'm waiting...

2006-04-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

I'm having to tell myself to breathe. Inhale...exhale. I haven't been this cautiously optimistic about my son's career in awhile. Frankly, I'm enjoying the tingle and the rush.

The role he's up for calls for a tall, lanky, baby face. The character is supposed to look 17 but is actually 11 3/4. David is 20, 6'2", lanky and certainly has the baby face. He went in for the audition yesterday and got the producers session callback for last night. When asked if he thought he could play that young he told them, "I still play with action figures, yeah, I can play that young." Then he proceded to show them what he could do. He said something about the session felt right. Hopefully we'll hear good news today.

Such a pretty day.

2006-04-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

It's a bit cloudy outside but there appears to be a promise of sunshine later in the day. Now that I've given my forecast for the weather how about the one for the rest of my life. Or at least next week in my life. It's pretty much the same as the weather, cloudy but a promise of sunshine.

Today I'm cleaning and organizing my office space. Yes, I've put off doing taxes but I do have until Monday to accomplish that task and have targeted tomorrow evening as the time to complete this frightening chore. Tomorrow is also the day I will join Weight Watchers. I'm hoping they can do more then just help me watch my weight. I've been doing that quite well for years and it keeps going up. Somehow just watching the scale hasn't helped.

I've also decided to join Curves. That's a womens excercise program that doesn't cost much and offers you help in exercising three times a week. I do need someone or something to help keep me motivated because I tend to be a tad on the lazy side when it comes to exercise. I'm also having my nails and hair done next week. I want to look as good as possible since I'll be job hunting as well over the next few weeks.

My resume is just about complete. I'm trying to fill in the gaps for 20 years of not doing much other then being my sons mom. That was a lot but somehow I don't think enough to warrent particular attention in gaining employment. I hope that someone will find my successful years in retail, though ages ago, enough of a draw to take a chance I still have what it takes. I know I do, now all I have to do is convience an employer who will probably be half my age. I will find work even if it's starting at the bottom again.

The most important thing about working is that I will be doing something for me. I believe it will give me a greater sense of accomplishment and a feeling of being worth more then just someones mom. Don't get me wrong, being a mom has been awesome. I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in this world, but there does come a time when being a mom isn't all there is and it never should have been that in my life.

I've also got an appointment later next week to speak with a family therapist. I'm not sure if that will help but I would like someone not personally involved in my life to talk to and see if the expectaitons I have are reasonable and realistic. I do know that some of the people in my life, including myself, have to change. Things aren't working the way they are and I want them to work better for all of us, but mostly for me since that's the only person I have any real control over.

My goals are really simple I think. Work, lose weight, pay off debt, and save money to buy a house. Nothing out of the ordinary. Oh, I'd like to take a real vacation. One that involves going somewhere fun and interesting for a couple of weeks. Nothing on my mind but relaxing and enjoying where I am. I haven't been on one of those in years.

It feels good to have a plan once again in my life. I'm not sure why I ever stopped planning but now I'm back and feeling much happier. Yep, there is a definate chance of sunshine on it's way.

I'm not done...

2006-04-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

At 5 AM this morning I woke up to the sound of running water. At first I thought it was my son taking a shower until I realized the sound was coming from my bathroom, not his. As I swung my feet onto the carpeted floor they splashed into about an inch or so of chilly water. The toilet tank had malfunctioned and was spilling water all over the floor. After turning off the valve I called maintenence. I've called the emergency number but they've yet to respond so I've sent my son off to rent a wetvac.

I'm experiencing bouts of hysterical laughter and having a really hard time holding on. I feel very beaten down right now. I'm trying to process all that has been happening in my life and I gotta say taking a rest is starting to look really, really good right now. There comes a point when no matter how hard you try to look on the bright side and remain positive if enough garbage piles up it begins to stink and there's no chance of covering it up. All you can do is leave.

The thing is, how do I want to leave? Part of me is seriously considering ending it once and for all. I'm willing to risk that it's just all over and there are no afterlife punishments for ending your life. As a matter of fact I don't know what the big deal is about a person chosing to take their own life. Why does everyone else fight so hard to keep you from doing that. I suppose it could be they want you to continue to share in the misery. A few of them probably love you and like having you around. Though, at the moment, I don't know why.

Another part of me is considering just leaving and going off somewhere alone for a bit or maybe forever. Is that how or where the homeless start? They just decide to leave oneday. I don't think I'd like being homeless very much. I like bathing everyday too much to let myself go that far.

So far I haven't been a quiter, ended it all, or run away. Maybe I haven't been an active player and that might be the problem, the lesson life is trying to get me to learn. I need to step up and become a more active participant in my life, rather then simply letting life do what it will with me. I run around putting my finger in all the leaks but I think I've finally run out of fingers. So instead I need to shore up the walls and the foundation better.

Okay, enough of feeling sorry for myself. No, I'm not going to end it all and I won't run away. I'll regroup and figure out a plan of action for moving forward. And life if you want to throw more shit my way, go ahead you son of a bitch. I'm going to start coming at you and punching back. This round ain't over yet! Can YOU take it?

This too shall pass.

2006-04-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have one of those day, weeks, or months where nothing seemed to go right? Ofcourse you have, we ALL have. So far, for me, this year has been the pits. I just get to where things are kind of leveling out and BAM! the next piece of crap happens. I tell ya' it's getting to be kind of old and tiring.

The thing that is tiring is that I've spent so much time worrying about the crappy stuff and not enough time enjoying the good things, few though they may be, that I've almost forgotten how to laugh, to feel joy in my life. Well I'm here to tell you that to hell with all the bad stuff. I'm just not going to let it weigh me down any longer. There is so much that is totally out of my control that it's simply not worth my time or energy running around trying to fix everything. Most of the stuff that's happened I can't fix anyway because it's up to others to fix it for themselves.

This is not to say that I won't be there with loving support for my family and friends, but simply an adjustment in my attitude about me being the one who is responsible for fixing all that goes wrong. Like somehow it's my fault and because of that, my responsibility. The fact is most of this isn't my fault. I've always tried to do my best, never thinking to do harm. Maybe my best wasn't good enough in the long haul, but it was sincerely my best. I shouldn't feel guilty about that, ever, even when it simply wasn't enough it was still my personal best.

I think by accepting the fact that I simply can't fix everything nor should I even try in most cases, I might be able to let go of some of the anger and frustration that's been part of me all of these months. Though my feelings have been understandable it's not healthy to hang on to such garbage for very long. I'm going to take deep breathes and tell myself from now on, this too shall pass, perhaps like a kidney stone, but it WILL pass.

It's done!

2006-03-26T10:56:00.000-08:00

One of the things I learned long ago, in my many years of therapy, is that depression is usually anger turned inwards. I spent most of the day yesterday under the covers trying to figure out why I had gone into such a deep depression over the last few weeks. The conclusion was that I was very, very angry. Several things had been bugging me over the last few months and in my effort to be the mom and nuturing caretaker of those around me, I had forgotten the number one person I needed to nurture, myself.

Once I recognized why I was angry and at whom, I set about the course of letting those that had hurt me know why I was angry. Not that I expected anything to come from it, but it's always best to let others know why your acting like you are.

My darling son, who received a butt load of my anger last night, was actually relieved. He said he knew something was wrong and thought it might be his fault somehow. I let him know I wasn't placing blame or fault on anyone. I was fully capable of chosing to be upset with something or not but that I thought it was best if he knew what he had been doing that was bugging me and if he felt like it he could correct the situation or not. At least I'd know where I stood and could move forward from there.

He's not the only one who has received a message from me either. This has been building for sometime and all the little things started feeling overwhelming. I've been noticing that I've had a much harder time being positive about anything lately. But enough is enough. It serves no purpose to sit around crying about what has happened in the past. What I can do is express my feelings and move on. So it's done.

Will I lose friends or family? I doubt seriously if I'll lose family and if I lose friends then they weren't really friends to begin with. If that happens, then I'll just have to accept that I'm not very good at picking my friends and try to do better the next time. In either case I feel so much better then I have been lately and that's a very good thing.

Hangin' in there.

2006-03-25T08:37:00.000-08:00

I've had some very serious bouts with depression in my life. Once to the point that I attempted suicide. I'm going through one of those times right now. It would be so easy to just end it all, but I won't. I'm too much of a wuss to do that.

I guess I should thank my friend Lana, who believes in reincarnation, for telling me years ago that those who commit suicide come back to relive the very things that drove them to it in the first place. They must learn what they need to do in order to cope. Since I would rather suffer through this life then to come back and do it all again, I live, or should I say, exist.

This time, though, I have considered the fact that I've learned a lot in dealing with the crappy stuff that happened in the beginning of this life and just maybe I would bring that back with me. The next go around might turn out better nearer the end. Ofcourse with my luck I might end up a civil servant in the next world.

There may be no point to all this worry about the existance of a life after death. It may just be over and that's a thought that keeps coming to mind more and more lately. What if it's just over? What a blessing that would be.

Ramblings...

2006-03-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

Since Spring is now official, even if it's still way too cold for me, I thought I'd give some thoughts on life. More specifically, my life. I've never been a particularly outgoing person. It's always been very hard to open myself up to others. I suppose it's a matter of trust.

Trusting others has long been an issue for me. I learned at a very early age not to trust my parents. Those are the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally and the people you should be able to trust completely. When they're the ones abusing that trust you tend to look at the rest of the world, the ones who aren't supposed to automatically love you, with a the eyes of a skeptic.

I have a tendency to hold people at arms length until they can prove their trustworthyness to me. God help them if after I open up to them they do something, even something small, that causes me to lose my faith and trust in them. I think I probably put a huge burden on my friends and loved ones because I expect them to never fail as human beings. It's really not fair since I don't always make the right decisions myself.

I'm trying very hard to become more tolerant and understanding of others. Really, I am. I also need to learn how to forgive. Forgiveness isn't one of my strong suits. Never has been. I have realized that I must learn to be more forgiving if I expect others to forgive me when I fail.

That really is a problem since I tend not to forgive myself. I want, no, expect myself to be better then everyone else around me. In this very flawed world I have a responsibility to be what I expect others to be...perfect. Yep, that's the real problem isn't it? Perfection. How, in this world, can you trust people who aren't perfect?

I guess I need to start to accept the small imperfections in others. I'm not talking about accepting angry, hate filled, or violent people into my life, but those who are probably just trying to find their way like me. Stumbling along through this life the best way they can making an opps once in awhile with no malice intended.

I love my friends and little family. If I truly love them, I need to lighten up.

The bug has arrived.

2006-03-13T08:21:00.000-08:00

Yep, we got it. Whatever that crappy bug is that's going around. Well not all of the we that resides in this household. Homer, luckly, is out on an oil rig in the Pacific and has managed to escape. He called saying he was going to have to work through the weekend and I told him, "be glad." If he were home he'd probably catch whatever we've got. No fun at all.

Nyquil has become my friend. At least it helps me to sleep and that's probably best for what ails me right now. I guess I need to look on the bright side though, I lose weight when I'm this sick. Not the best way to do it, but effective none-the-less.

Feelings

2006-03-07T11:17:00.000-08:00

I'm pondering whether I should let someone I consider a dear friend know how much my feelings have been hurt. The thing is maybe this person doesn't share my feelings about our friendship or perhaps I've done something to offend them that I'm unaware of and thus the snub. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I usually close doors on my feelings trying to shut away the hurt and that leads to the end of the friendship. Too painful to continue in the long run. I hope that doesn't happen here because this is someone I sincerely care about but am not sure how they would take my honestly saying to them, "You hurt me" or worse, would they even care? I really hate the self doubt that comes from wondering if I've been reading this person wrong all along. Could I be THAT stupid? I guess anything is possible. Right now, I'm just flat out hurt.

My new motto.

2006-02-24T08:46:00.000-08:00

Stolen from my friend Susan's blog.

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO what a ride!'

Well said! I've too long been trying to get there safely and it hasn't worked too well. From now on I live it with gusto, enjoying the moments each and every one. I love you Suzer. Thanks.

OMG! I may not want this day to end.

2006-02-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

It just keeps gettin' better and better. David just received a call from Six Flags. He auditioned for the hosting job for their Children's Theatre. He booked it! Not only will he get to do the hosting job during the spring and summer but they said he can also play the Riddler in the parades AND he gets paid the same as the hosting job! How cool is that? Oh yeah, life is soooo good!

It just gets better...

2006-02-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

Remember the guy that said I was bitter and dissed my kid. He just sent me a very nice and hopefully sincere apology. I accepted and sent my own for my part in our disagreement. I can be a bit abrupt at times as those of you who know and love me can attest to I'm sure. I'd much rather be at peace with someone then at war. That's the "I'm a lover, not a fighter" in me I guess. Life is still good and getting better all of the time.

Bitter with the sweet.

2006-02-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

A poster on the PARF forum where I'm a moderator called me bitter today. I think I upset him when I told another poster, who is a friend of mine, that I thought our kids would have more professional film equipment available when participating in a 48 hour film festival. This guy is from Boise and took my comment to mean that other places lacked professionalism. Wasn't my meaning at all. It stands to reason since we live in L.A. there is more professional equipment available. Helloooo...it's Hollywood, not Boise. Sheesh, some people are so sensitive.

What really pissed me off though was when he took a shot at me by implying that my son wasn't a professional actor by the standards that he wasn't famous or wealthy yet. Hate me and call me names fine, but mess with my kid and I'll have your liver.

The sweet thing is that my dear son, who has been lacking auditions this year, just had his third one of the year and booked the project. Wooohooo, way to go David! That's one in three average for the year. Though it might be asking a bit much here's hoping he can keep that kind of ratio rolling this year. Could make for a hugely successful year indeed. Me bitter? I think not! LOL!

Work, work, work...

2006-02-20T10:20:00.000-08:00

David isn't getting many auditions for new projects lately but he's doing really well at his survival jobs. He had been working for Edwards Theatres and wasn't really enjoying the job much anymore. Last October he had worked for Six Flags Magic Mountain during their "Fright Fest". They must have liked him as they called him to come in to interview for a regular job a couple of weeks ago. He got the job and is so much happier then he was at Edwards. When he told Edwards he was leaving they let him know they were getting ready to promote him since they liked his work. They've offered him the opportunity to come back if the job with Six Flags doesn't work out.

It's nice to know he can go back but I don't think he will. He's making more per hour with Six Flags and he says the work is more fun and fulfilling. Right now he is working as a foreman in a section of the park, keeping the characters scheduled for his area, seeing that they have handlers and such. He even stepped into one of the character costumes the other day when the person playing the part got hurt and had to go to first aid. He's been asked if he would like to audition for a host in one of their summer shows as well. He thinks he might like that but he wants to play the part of the Riddler on one of the floats since he found out that's open too. He's hoping they'll let him do both. David's still such a kid but that's part of his charm and charisma.

I'm very proud of him for being a good worker and happy that others like his work ethic. I don't care what he decides to do for his lifes work as long as he does it well and enjoys what he does. Keep up the great work son.

Stagemoms or something the world needs less of.

2006-02-18T08:29:00.000-08:00

Okay, I suppose in a sense, because I have raised a child actor, you could call me a stagemom. I wouldn't if you want to live though. I in NO WAY resemble the stereotypical stagemom. These are the ones that constantly ask, "Did you hear who got the part yet?" for rolls their dear little darlings auditioned for. There have been many a times when I've wanted to say, "Well, obviously yours didn't get it if you haven't heard anything yet." Frankly, I don't give a rat's ass who gets the part if my son didn't. Once you're done with an audition you have to move on otherwise you'd drive yourself crazy.

The audition is, in reality, "the job". If you do well you get to continue to work on the project, if not, you don't. It's that simple. Believe me if you do well you'll hear sooner or later. Yes, I prefer sooner, but that I have no control over so I don't sweat that detail.

In some areas of the internet I never mention an audition my son is going on until way after the fact. When David books something I only tell a few select people that I trust. These don't include stagemoms. For the most part I find their cudos and congratulations fake. I know they'd rather be putting a knife in David's back then praising his success and I don't trust that one or more of them won't try something to hurt his chances on the project he booked. There are evil parents out there folks. Most stagemoms have earned their bad reputation. Unfortunately that rep spills over to those of us who aren't like that just because we have a child in the business.

Just for the record it's not only moms that are crazy in this business. The dads can be a piece of work too. Frankly I think the percentage of stereotypical stageparent seems to be higher in the men then in the women. Lots on nutty stagedads out there.

David has often thanked me for being just a mom and not a stagemom. I like being "just a mom" whose son happens to act. It's a title I'll proudly bear for the rest of my life.

I've been gone awhile.

2006-02-15T06:33:00.000-08:00

At least gone in the emotional sense. The last few weeks have been a bit trying and I think I've gone into a mild depression. I'm battling hard not to give in to feeling completely lost.

On January 26 my son and his girlfriend, Kim, were in a car accident. Kim, unfortunately, received a broken wrist when she went to honk the horn and the airbag deployed from the impact. Kim was driving my car and according to her and David some guy cut in front of them just as the person ahead of them was stopping. She had no room to avoid the guy who cut in and hit him. According to the police report though the guy that cut in was already there and Kim was following too closely. I'm not sure I concur with the police report. Why would Kim have attempted to honk the horn if the guy was already there? I'm just thankful both of the kids weren't hurt worse.

Anyway Kim's parents are making noises of lawsuit because I let Kim drive my car. Not that they can do anything because Kim is 19 and I think she would be the one to have to sue. I know she won't, but it is annoying to have to deal with idiots. Something Kim and I have in common, idiot parents. At least I'm familiar in dealing with that type. Sigh.

On January 28th my precious, darling David officially became a young man when he celebrated his 20th birthday. We had a lovely party at King's Head Inn in Santa Monica. Over 30 of our friends showed up to help celebrate my dear sons existance. Our friends are good people. Twenty years have gone by rather quickly though. It doesn't seem like he should be that old or is it that I should be THAT old? Hmmmm...

I think I'm also worried about the lack of auditions that have been occuring for David lately. He's only had two since the beginning of the year. By this time last year he had been out ten times. Anyhow we got him some new headshots so maybe that will help.

He's also enrolled with Margie Haber studios to brush up on his auditioning technique. David is a great actor and does well on a set or stage but I think he has problems with auditioning. Can't get the job if you can't nail the audition no matter how great an actor you are. He'll also be starting a stand-up comedy class with Greg Dean soon. This he is doing because he enjoys making people laugh and he's pretty much a natural. Very strange but wonderful sense of humor.

All of the things I've been talking about involve the outlay of money. The $8K+ in repairs to my car were covered mostly by insurance, but there was still a deductable and rental car costs while the car was being repaired. Then ofcourse new headshots aren't cheap and well, the new classes, especially Margie Haber, are expensive. I don't count the party because I had planned for that. Where I get uptight is unplanned expenses. The car was a big one. I know me, when I worry about money, I get depressed. That's probably normal for most people but I can only feel what I feel and it really bugs me.

I know I'll get through this. I have a good budget to follow and enough money to keep all bills paid and food on the table, but I hate having to watch every penny. I also feel guilty for being such a whinny cat because others are in so much worse shape. Lord, where is that winning ticket to the lottery when you need one?

Yikes! I've been tagged!

2006-01-17T13:04:00.000-08:00

Needless to say I wasn't expecting this to happen. I guess it's my own fault for having this blog. Anyway, here goes.

Four jobs you've had in your life: Motel maid at 13-15, cannery worker at 16-18 (I refused to eat green beans for a very long time after and don't ask why. You won't eat them either.), convienence store manager at 20-22, longest held job was as a retail manager for womens clothing chain for 8 years.

Four movies you could watch over and over: Shrek, Shawshank Redeption, Big Fish, and Doctor Zhivago.

Four places you've lived: Salem, OR, New Orleans, LA, San Antonio, TX, and Los Angeles, CA.

Four TV shows you love to watch: My Name is Earl, Desperate Housewives, Stargate SG1 and Stargate Atlantis.

Four places you've been on vacation: France, Italy, Spain, and Morocco.

Four websites you visit daily: PARF, IMDb, Wild Ogre, and Celluloid Curtain.

Four of your favorite foods: Shrimp, chocolate, strawberries, asparagus.

Four places you'd rather be: New Orleans, Paris, Disneyworld, and the Moon (that would be adventurous at least).

Four albums you can't live without: Any classical, operatic, jazz, or blues albums. None of the modern crap, just throw that all away.

Four magazines you read: National Geographic (yes, I'm a closet geek), People (in the doc's office), Southern Living (gotta stay true to my roots), and Time (on occasion).

Four cars you've owned: Does it count if they've been in my husbands name. The only two in my name was a Dodge Magnum and an Olds Cutlass.

Four people to do this meme: Yikes, everyone I know who might do this has been taken.

Yes David, there are now viruses for Macs.

2006-01-16T23:40:00.000-08:00

One of the selling points my son, David, used to encourage his dad and I to buy a Mac was that there weren't any viruses to attack a Mac. Guess what? That's all changed since last summer. There are now two viruses and apparently we got one. I'm sitting here using the loaner that we have for the next two months while our computer is being repaired. The virus that attacked seems to have messed up the video RAM. I'm just happy we're still under warrenty.

For me, my relationship with a computer is kind of a love/hate thing. I enjoy the ease with which I can communicate with family and friends. Yet my lack of understanding the technology makes me feel inadequate and is upsetting at times like these. Even more upsetting is the thought that it was probably some 13 year old with nothing better to do that created the virus that attacked our computer. Little creep. I hope he has to wear braces for the next ten years.

Blogging

2006-01-15T09:59:00.000-08:00

For what it's worth, I think I'm really starting to get this blogging thing. For me its become a release of sorts. A safe place to vent when something is bothering me or sending expressions of my happiness out into a broader world. And it's not just the writing of ones own blog but reading about others lives and thoughts can become almost addictive.

Take my friend Susan for instance. I've never met her in person and before reading her blog only knew her from a few online groups we both belonged too. I've always liked her and after reading her bloggings I know why I like her so much. She's funny, creative, intelligent, strong, and caring. Just the type of person I like for a friend. Since we live so far apart, I'm grateful for the opportunity to get to know her better through blogging.

Then there is my Bonnie. What can I say about this amazing woman? Her courage and honesty are awe inspiring to me. She is so open and sharing of her joys and her pain. I don't think she realizes just how incredibly wonderful she is and how much her truthfulness helps those of us privilaged to be a part of her world through her blogs. And besides she's just the best damn writer I know. She is truly a Rockstar!

Amy's bloggings have a unique appeal. What a girl! She speaks her mind on anything and she does it with frankness and honesty. No bullshit here. I love keeping up with her life and am rooting for her to make it what she wants it to be and I believe she'll do it too.

When Debra blogs, and it's not as often as she should, you meet a loving, funny, generous soul. She's the real deal. I know this great gal personally and she should really write more because I know she has a lot to say and can say it very well when she wants to.

Oh, I can't leave out Rose either. One of the most interesting and intelligent people I know. This funny, quirky lady can write! What a joy to read about life from her POV.

Yes, I do read blogs written by guys too. Mostly guys who are actors like my son, David. I really enjoy the insight Hal, Bill, Stephon, and Erik give writing about their struggles as working actors in Hollywood. Oh yeah, and it's kind of interesting seeing life from a guys perspective.

I intend to keep blogging. It's getting easier everyday. I guess I do have something to say and I'm going to be saying it here. Stay tuned and hang on. It might get a bit bumpy at times.

I'm a believer.

2006-01-14T14:51:00.000-08:00

I've always tried to be realistic about David's chances of reaching his goal to become a recognized, award winning actor. Being his mom naturally makes me just a bit biased when it comes to his acting skills and I know I'm not as objective as the rest of the world might be when it comes to viewing his work.

Because I know I'm not very objective, I think I've become too obsessed with picking out the flaws in his work and not focusing enough on his amazing talent. Last night changed all of that for me. We got to view the first public screening of a full length FF he worked on last year, Trees Grow Tall and Then They Fall. It was cast by someone I've grown to love and admire, CD Bonnie Gillespie.

I was bowled over by David's presence on the big screen and I wasn't the only one. He got the biggest audience reaction of all the actors and believe me there were some amazing performances from that group of hugely talented people. Watching others fall in love with my son gave me one of those "Whew" moments when a parent realizes they've allowed their child to follow the right path.

No longer will I critique David's abilities. Let others do that if they must. From now on I'm rock solid in his corner and am certain, without a doubt, he will succeed in this business on a far greater scale then I ever imagined possible.

So much talent...so little time.

2006-01-08T09:24:00.000-08:00

One of the great things about David being part of the film world is that every now and again I get to see some amazing work done by up and coming filmmakers. Last night was no exception. DH and I had the opportunity to spend one of the most entertaining evenings in awhile viewing several short films at The Flickering Image Film Festival.

My DH is the glue that holds our family together, but he doesn't have the time to get as involved in the industry his son has chosen to become a part of as I do. He rarely gets to partake of the joy of viewing young filmmakers work other then his own sons. Even then he doesn't always get to see what David has done at the same time as the rest of us.

Last night was the first film fest Homer has ever attended. He wanted to know if these films would ever be available to the general public. To him, it seemed a shame for such great films to only reach a limited audience. I really enjoyed watching his enthusiasm for an industry our son loves so much. Up until last night I had never seen him quite so...involved. I hope it continues because I really enjoyed sharing something with him that David and I have been sharing for years.

The price of fame.

2006-01-06T18:07:00.000-08:00

My son, David, wants to be a famous actor someday. I'd prefer if he just wanted to be a working actor and forget the fame part. I'm not too sure fame or celebrity status is worth having considering the price you have to pay once you achieve it.

For some strange reason ordinary people seem to think they are entitled to comment on every aspect of your life when you become a celebrity. It's like they think they own a piece of you just because you do something well enough to gain enormous recognition and a huge salary for your success.

God forbid you should stumble and fall if you're a celebrity because it becomes a feeding frenzy in the media. Which is ofcourse egged on by the publics lurid desire to point fingers. I say if you haven't lived the life then you have no way of knowing what you would do or how you would feel in their shoes. And since when does the media tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

We all make mistakes and bad choices in our lives. I'm just happy I don't live in a fishbowl where other faulty people feel they have the right to pick my life apart to satisfy their own need to feel good about themselves.

Isn't it funny how the word lawsuit motivates people?

2006-01-06T04:13:00.000-08:00

I was pretty pissed yesterday when I received a call from the diabetes education department at Facey Medical. This was a call informing me that my meeting to learn how to use the meter to check my blood sugar levels and receive information on how to best control my diabetes was being postponed...again.

My doctor has been after me to take the class since early November. I dutifully to set up an appointment at an office near me in Canyon Country and was told they were full up. I'd have to wait three weeks unless I wanted to drive over to the Granada Hills office. I told them I would rather wait the three weeks and go to the closer office just about five minutes from my home.

Two weeks later they called and said they had to postpone the appointment since the woman giving the class needed to go in for surgery the next week. Would I like to go to the Granada Hills office instead or wait an extra week to see the trainer here. I said I'd wait. The week of my appointment they called and said the trainer had to go out of town for additional training and would I like to go to the Granada Hills office or wait two more weeks for an appointent. I was a bit skeptical of this excuse as this was the week of Thanksgiving and I somehow didn't think anyone would be going out of town for two weeks for training. Anyhow, I opted to wait again.

The day before my appointment I receive another call saying that the trainer was recovering from surgery and would I like to see someone at the Granada Hills office or wait until just after Christmas. At this point I decide this woman just didn't want to see me and perhaps it would be best to make the trip into Granada Hills so could I get the earliest possible appointment there.

I was informed that due to the holidays they couldn't squeeze me into that office until after the first week of January. Grrrr. January 11th at 10:45 AM was to be my scheduled appointment for me to learn what I needed to do to get my 300+ blood sugar count under control, since the medications the doctor is currently giving me aren't working and he's threatening to start me on insulin injections everyday.

Yesterday morning a very cheery caller informed me that, once again, my appointment needed to be postponed as this trainer had to attend a mandatory staff meeting at that time. At which point I scoffed as I told her since this was the fourth postponment of my training that I was going to inform my husband and son to get an attorney and sue Facey Medical if I dropped dead due to a diabeties related illness before I receive my training. Wouldn't you know all of a sudden they could see me on the 11th at a slightly later time. Somehow I don't think I'll be receiving another call to postpone my training.

This is going to be my best year ever.

2006-01-04T11:02:00.000-08:00

Somehow I just know this is going to be the best year, so far, of my life. Don't ask me how I know this, but I do. I've never felt so much love and goodwill within my family and friends. The people I'm around are truly amazing. All very spiritual, kind, generous, caring, talented, positive people who are doing good things with their lives. Being around them inspires me to do more with my life. I really, really feel great about this year.

My day in court or how to waste six hours.

2006-01-04T10:41:00.000-08:00

I served jury duty yesterday. Since it was only the 3rd of January and most people in the judicial system weren't back from the holidays, there was only one trial scheduled. After sitting around, reading Lovely Bones, from 8:15 AM to 2:15 PM the judge decided to dismiss the case and we were released from service.

As I sat there looking around at the jury pool, I started thinking about just what constitutes a jury of our peers and how many 50ish, middle class, white, female homemakers were there on trial? I guess it's true about older and wiser. We're either too smart to get into trouble or smart enough not to get caught.

Oh well, won't have to go through this for at least another 12 months.

Holidays are great!

2005-12-25T09:20:00.000-08:00

Food, family, friends, fun. Oh yeah, presents too. Sigh, life is good.

Stageparents or why Paul Petersen might be right.

2005-12-23T12:30:00.000-08:00

This is a rant. Anyone not interested in why I look down on the majority of stageparents, even though technically I could be called one myself, should exit now.

After many years, almost 14, of attempting to guide my son, David, through this minefield of being a professional actor, I've come to the conclusion that 95% of all parents who push their children to become child performers are just plain nuts.

There are only a handful that actually are supporting their childs dream and not acting out their own aspirations through their child. I can usually tell the ones that could care less about what their children want by the success at all cost attitude. To these people any kind of exposure is good even if it leaves the child open to certain dangers.

This has been a particularly tough week, with investigations here in Hollywood and in Canada of people who work closely with children in this business who are accused of molesting said children. My questions is, where were these parents when all of this was going on?

I don't believe there is another business where parents think it's okay to leave their child alone with a perfect stranger or because they think this person might help their childs career allow them unsupervised access. It stands to reason showbiz would be fertile ground for pedophiles.

Why do parents forget their normal responsibility to protect their children all in the name of success in a business that is notoriously heartless to a childs welfare? It has to be because they are in pursuit of their own dream and not their childs.

I never once allowed David, before the age of twelve, to go into an audition where I couldn't listen at the door. Nor was he left alone with coaches, agents or managers until I was certain he understood that he had the right to say no, get up and leave the room. I was never far away from that room either. Has my action hurt his career? Possibly. I'll never really know, but he's still in the business he loves and I think doing well.

Let's face it this industry is never going to wake up and install the safegaurds that are needed to protect the children until stageparents alter their success at all costs attitude. Why should it care if the parents don't? It's that need of so many parents to make their child a star that makes Paul Petersen right.

End of rant.

They stay your baby no matter how big they get.

2005-12-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

Rough night last night. David was sick with a temp of 103 degrees. Alcohol bath and ice packs, along with a hefty dose of Tylenol and lots of liquids got it under control quickly, but I was still up all night checking. I called his work and told them find someone else to work his shift because he wouldn't be coming in tonight.

Even if he towers over me by six inches, he's still my little baby. I think he'd be upset if he knew I still think of him that way. Ofcourse last night he seemed to be thankful for the TLC he was getting. I know I was always thankful for my moms TLC when I was sick and now I know what she must have felt when giving it. I'm just now beginning to realize how much my mom loved me. I hope David understands how much he's loved sooner then I did.

What's wrong with being OCD?

2005-11-17T21:00:00.000-08:00

I know several people that are OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). What I'd like to know is why is it considered a disorder because you like to have things a certain way? So what if I straighten the pictures on the wall in the doctors office? What if I pick up pieces of paper on the floor in someone else's home? So, I like things around me to be neat.

Just because it makes me a bit jumpy when I can't pick lint from someone else's coat while they're wearing it doesn't mean I have a disorder. As long as I resist the urge what does it matter? The woman in line in front of me the other night at the King Tut exhibit at LACMA has no idea how lucky she is I have such restraint. I am considering carrying my lint brush in my purse from now on. I mean, what's so OCD about offering someone the opportunity to be neat?

I gotta start makin' more noise.

2005-11-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

My 19 year old son has a cold. His newest girlfriend came over today to give him a little TLC. He sounds much better this evening.

I'm finding this girl to be very different from the ones he's liked in the past. She's not all about me. I like that...a lot. This afternoon I walked down the stairs, turning the corner of the bottom flight and saw her holding him very tenderly. It didn't bother me at all. On the contrary, I got a warm, fuzzy feeling knowing that someone other then hubby and me cared for our darling son so much. I think I startled David, because he jumped up saying, "We're just watching television!" Hmmm...

After supper I went back upstairs for awhile. Later, I went down to get a bottle of water. I think I'm going to start keeping a supply upstairs. As I turned the corner of the bottom flight I saw my son caressing her. Not overly sexual, but tenderly. I didn't think he'd want me to walk in completely at that moment so I cleared my throat. Again he jumped up mumbling something about watching TV. Son you really gotta get a new story.

Even though this girl looks a bit like my MIL when she was younger, I still like her. Anyone that gets up from the supper table, grabs all the dishes, and loads the dishwasher is aces in my book. The next time I start down stairs I'm gonna start makin' noise at the top of the stairs.

What, me worry?

2005-11-02T17:34:00.000-08:00

Okay, here I am. So what am I worrying about? Well, life in general. I'm a worrier. I worry about almost everything. Sometimes I even worry about worrying. Like now. I'm worried I won't keep up with this blogging thing. That's a reasonable assumption since I've never kept any kind of journal or diary in my life.

So, why am I here? What's the purpose of baring my soul to the universe or at least the universe of cyberspace? Frankly, I've always wanted to write...so this is a beginning of sorts. I'm not to sure I'll be any good at it, but I'm going to give it my best.